The Discoveries of a Warlock
by CannotThinkofaf.ckingName
Summary: Magnus finds out about a few things he never expected to come across, and is pleasantly delighted. Alec however, is not.
1. The Fandom

_**A/N: A big thank you to MaybeThere'sHope and Debookworm01 for letting me use their stories. Both stories are amazing and have to be read. Enjoy! May contain crack and fluff/smut. Well, a suggestion of smut. ^_^**_

Magnus was intrigued. Alec's laptop lay before him, something Magnus had never had time for; he barely knew how to work the thing. But he was a warlock, and he could work it out easily enough. If it hadn't been opened to a particular page Magnus wouldn't have even glanced twice at it. Only because Alec had suddenly dashed out of the room muttering something about dry-cleaning, and leaving Magnus immensely bored had he even thought of looking what was on Alec's computer.

It was opened up on a website Magnus had never heard of before: Tumblr. There were various pictures of random people skateboarding or landscapes that had been heavily edited to appear flawless. At the top of every picture it had the name of someone who had reblogged the picture from someone else. Magnus raised a thin, perfectly-shaped eyebrow. What kind of name was: "brindis-y-gnomos"? Shrugging, he scrolled downwards to find even more posts from the said Tumblr user. He clicked on their name – while the page loaded he drummed his fingers on the desk lightly, humming quietly to himself. It finally loaded, revealing a very in-your-face, and I-don't-care-if-you-think-I'm-weird kind of blog. Loud screamo music started playing, and Magnus frantically tried to find out where it was coming from so he could stop it. After a few struggling moments, the music was silenced, and Magnus was able to explore the blog in peace. He discovered many interesting things, such as a rather revealing photo of a girl and a few pictures of garden gnomes; the guy obviously had a weird fetish. Scrolling down through the page Magnus became utterly captivated. Personally, he had no idea how people could entertain themselves by simply stealing other peoples pictures. Then he came across something quite different, a small note from the owner of the blog: 'Hey I have a Fanfiction now! :3. Check out my account, my name is "gnomes_are_cool." Hope to see your comments soon! XD'

Magnus reread the post again; Fanfiction. Scrolling the little arrow cursor up into the search box he typed in the name. Choices suddenly exploded onto the screen. Oh god, what should he choose? Picking the first selection, he was directed into a page with a blue border and millions of words. He saw a search box and clicked on it. What should he type? Chuckling, he typed his own name. To his surprise, it worked! He looked through the results. To his astonishment, a majority of the results included his darling Alexander. What on Earth? Picking a random one called "Misery Loves Glamour"; he was taken to yet another page. He read the first line:

_The boy moved with the sort of grace that was so sought after in the throes of passion. That kind of fluid sexuality that could not be taught only ingrained from birth. He was the kind of boy that had probably broken hearts since he was in preschool_…

Oh yes, this story sounded interesting. He read on for a while.

"Camille," he whispered in surprise.

What on earth was his ex-lover doing in the story? Reading on, his shock grew; not only was Camille in this, but so was he. After skimming through a few more chapters he realised the Lightwoods, Jace, Clarissa and Simon were also featured. He read a while longer becoming quite addicted to the words that covered the screen. Suddenly, he reached chapter "That Just Fucked Flush", oh boy, this story was just getting better and better. He chuckled creepily just as Alec walked through the door,

"Hey Magnus!" he called.

All the warlock did was smile in a flirty way and drag his confused boyfriend into the bedroom.

When they had finally come down from their sex high, Alec remembered the fact he didn't do anything to make his boyfriend get it up,

"What was that for?" he asked.

"That's what Ragnor said when I accidently set his house on fire, so I'm not sure to take that as a compliment or an insult."

Alec bushed a deep red, and muttered something that sounded to Magnus a lot like: "oh Magnus, you are a god in the bedroom", or something like that. Magnus then quickly walked out into the living room again, still completely naked, and crouched in front of the laptop.

"You are my new favourite story," he whispered almost seductively to the computer.

He then blew a kiss in its direction and then went back to the bed where his boyfriend was waiting.

Later that night while Magnus slept, Alec walked out to the living room. Flopping back on the pink couch, he went to turn his computer on. To his surprise, the screen started glowing, signalling he had never turned it off. On the screen was a website Alec had never heard of. Raising his eyebrows, he read a passage of the text displayed,

_"Okay, you don't have to elaborate, Iz. But he's…persistent. And graphic," he said. _

_He was a little apprehensive, but his siblings were right. The man's words and actions and look had definitely lit his fire. He went back to nervously sipping his drink, unable to banish thoughts of the sexy whisper from his mind._"

Alec's eyes grew wider.

"_By the Angel Magnus!_" he screamed, causing the warlock to sleepily half run, half fall, into the living room.

"What, sweetheart? No need to tell the world."

"What is this?"

"The most amazing website created."

"Doesn't it worry you that it's about _us!_"

Magnus just stared blankly at Alec. What the hell, why didn't his stupid sparkly boyfriend see how weird it was that complete strangers were writing stories about their sex lives. Oh, who was he kidding, Magnus was the kind of person who thrived on these sorts of things.

"I'm calling everyone over. We will see what they think," Magnus said

"Are you kidding me! Have you read this story?"

"Babe, we will look up their names."

Alec grudgingly agreed – despite the fact the sun wasn't even close to rising, and Magnus called everyone over.

About 1 hour later a tired Isabelle, Jace, Simon, Maia and Clary were seated in the living room.

"Why am I here?" Maia moaned.

"Something tells me the puppy isn't a morning person," said Jace in a patronizing tone, causing Maia to give him a murderous glare. Meanwhile, Simon was looking guilty and uncomfortable sitting in between Izzy and said 'puppy'.

"All of you shut up and look at this," Magnus said, stepping on everyone to get to the laptop.

"This is called Fanfiction. I'll type in someone's name and see what happens. Who wants to go first?"

Clary put her hand up, smiling kindly at him; everyone else was either glaring at each other, falling asleep, or thinking of ways to get Magnus back for waking them up this early to look at a website.

Typing in Clary's name, the warlock scanned the options on the screen. They saw a Magnus and Clary one, which they all laughed at, an Isabelle and Clary one, which they all screamed and tried to burn out their eyes while reading it, and a Fanfiction about Alec killing Clary, which Alec laughed slightly manically at, until they finally reached a Jace and Clary story.

The end result was that most of the group wanted to drink bleach to clear their minds, except Jace who looked like he needed a cold shower.

Alec was completely irritated. No one – except him – seemed to realise just how messed up this situation was. _What was wrong with these people?_ They continued a while until they found one story that made them all cry, which was called "Three Strangers at a Bus Stop", and featured Jace, Alec and Simon. It was totally sad but they loved it.

"Whoever wrote this is amazing," sobbed Izzy.

Next they searched up Simon's name. Let's just say that by the end of his turn he couldn't walk, thanks to a very pissed off Maia and Isabelle.

"This is an awesome site. Bookmark it."

"How? This isn't a book…"

"Magnus are you blond? Bookmark it on the computer."

"I'm 800 years old; I touched a computer for the first time today, shut up, Nephilim child."

Isabelle sighed with exhaustion, leaning over clicking once, twice and then looking at Magnus as though he was mentally ill.

Magnus gave her a shit-eating grin and winked.

Alec had had enough.

"Hey guys, are absolutely none of you finding something wrong with this situation?"

Maybe nobody had heard him, but Alec could have sworn he was being ignored by every single person in the room.

_**A/N: Read and review, please! xo**_

_**I might continue this if it gets enough reviews... and people actually like it!**_

_**P.S. Sorry if anyone was offended by the "blond" thing, I'm actually blond myself! :D**_


	2. The Fans

_**A/N: So I actually decided to update the story! I wrote this with Debookworm01 which was fun.**_

_**Hope you enjoy xo**_

It wasn't until several weeks after the first incident that Alec was once again haunted by the travesties he seemed to be living in. Fanfiction was still among Magnus' top priorities, however Alec was pleased to hear that he didn't mention quite as many times a day as he used to, and he was running out of "smut fics" to read. Of course, Alec – being Alec, was suspicious as to the sudden calmness that had settled over his life. Something was going to hit him – something big.  
>As it turned out, Magnus had unfortunately decided to drag Alec along to one of his daily shopping routines. Not something Alec enjoyed. Nevertheless, he would go along with it, until Magnus got bored, had bought numerous outfits and eaten at his favourite sushi bar. Magnus wasn't usually one to buy foods at mundane stores, but there was something about that delicious seaweed wrapped fish that made his mouth water. Sushi was a delicacy to him.<br>"Imagine this with a hint of vodka!" Magnus exclaimed, pointing vigorously at the avocado and salmon sushi. Alec inclined his head thoughtfully,  
>"I don't know, maybe –"<br>Alec glanced over at his boyfriend. Magnus wasn't listening. He was staring wide-eyed at a girl on the other side of the food court. Dark-blue glitter had fallen down onto his cheeks, bringing out his golden-green eyes.  
>"I'll be back darling. I simply must ask that fashionista where she got her jacket."<br>Before Alec could protest, Magnus had glided swiftly away. Shaking his head, Alec sighed, and took a bite from his lobster-filled sushi.  
>The food court was packed. Almost instantly, Alec had lost sight of Magnus, and turning around, found he was being given dirty looks by the people behind him. He was blocking them from being served their sushi. Blushing, he moved out of the way, muttering 'Sorry' as he went. There were no spare tables, so he leaned up against the wall behind him, content with the small amount of peace he would now have… or maybe not.<br>Something flickered in his peripheral vision. A bright, fluoro-pink blur had sped past him, before it mysteriously disappeared; odd. After a few moments, he was contented with the thought that he had merely imagined it, until a shrill, high-pitched squeal found its way to his eardrums. He winced, rubbing his ears gingerly and fished his phone out of his pocket, unnerved. He tried to call Magnus but, typically, the call was rejected. What was taking him?  
>He felt someone watching him. Slowly, he raised his head, his dark hair falling into his eyes. Standing before him was a very short and very plump-looking girl, who was wearing various shades of bright pink, right from her shoes, to the polish on her fingernails. Not his imagination, then. She was grinning widely at him, almost manically. Alec would have taken a step back if there hadn't been a wall behind him.<br>"Um, hi there," he said quietly, offering a small, nervous smile and hoping the girl didn't attack him. Instead, she squealed again, gave him a rib-cracking hug, and stuffed her hand in her backpack to reveal a fluffy pink notebook. Grinning again, she shoved it in his face,  
>"I'm your biggest fan, really! Can I please have your autograph? Please? Oh, please, I'll do anything to have your autograph! You want a cookie? My mum made them! I was coming here to meet up with my friends, but I've been waiting for hours, they must have forgotten. But now they're missing out! You're Alec Lightwood! I can't believe it's really you! Where's Magnus? You guys are like an item now, right? Oh my God, this is so amazing."<br>She began fanning herself with the notebook, looking slightly dizzy. Alec could have done with a fan himself.  
>"Sorry, but… what!" he said, regaining his voice. This couldn't be happening. He didn't have fans. Surely he couldn't be famous.<br>The girl was staring at him oddly, faltering.  
>"You're Alec. I know you are! You are, really. So do you want a cookie? Here you go; they're really nice, really," she blabbered on, "but oh my God, this can't be happening… you're really here. Ashley is going to be so jealous."<br>Alec could have said the same for himself – minus the Ashley part. But seeing as there was a cookie in his mouth, nearly suffocating him, he was unable to. Swallowing hard and gasping for air, he decided the best thing to do was sign the damned notebook and run for it. Signing his neat, swirling signature distractedly, he glanced around again for Magnus. But there was no sign of his sparkling boyfriend. Had he been bombarded by a crazed fan as well?  
>"So, you're a fan of me, are you?" Alec said casually, handing the pink notebook back to the girl.<br>She nodded vigorously. "I don't really like Jace. He's too full of himself and that. But you're really cool, and mysterious. I love that." She leaned forward dreamily, eyeing him longing.  
>Alec felt something inside him die. She knew Jace. Who was this girl?<br>"What exactly, am I in? I mean, what do you know me from?"  
>The girl's eyes widened; her sight was fixed on something to their left. She wasn't listening.<br>"No way," she said. Her voice had changed from that annoyingly chirpy pitch to lower and full of menace. "I don't believe it. It's Ashley and my other friends. They've been shopping _without_ me."  
>Alec looked to the left, and saw a gaggle of teenage girls, looking considerably more normal than this one… but now they had noticed him. Their eyes bulged. Their jaws dropped. And they were running right towards him, looking half as normal as they had before.<br>Seconds later, Alec found himself being smothered. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't see. Was he dying? It certainly felt like it. Finally he was released, but there was no escape. 6 grinning girls were clustered around him, all holding out various pieces of paper which looked like they had been ripped out of diaries. The girl in fluoro-pink, however, wasn't smiling. She was glaring intensely at the others. The girl, who seemed to be the leader, apparently called Ashley, suddenly noticed, and turned to face the other.  
>"You guys left me!" the girl in pink said, "but now I have Alec Lightwood, and I'm not letting you have him!" She moved protectively in front of Alec, but Ashley just laughed.<br>"Oh Penny, move out of the way if you know what's good for you! Alec is mine. You don't deserve him."  
>Alec winced, and tried to find an opening in the circle around him. But, typically, there was none. He was trapped. And they seemed to think he belonged to them.<br>Before he knew what was happening, Penny had punched Ashley in the face, knocking her over. But Ashley seemed to have more guts that it appeared, because in a moment, she was back on her feet, glaring venomously at Penny. The other girls came up to immediately, speaking compassionately, asking if she was OK. She swatted them away, and aimed a kick at Penny. Before her foot connected, Alec stood between the two girls. He had to break this up. It was ridiculous.  
>He regretted this action instantly. He felt a sharp pain in his groin, and doubled over, groaning and rolling around in pain. What had he done to deserve this?<br>Ashley seemed to have realised what had happened.  
>"Alec, darling Alec!" she cried in guilt, crouching above him, going to pat him on the back as he shuddered, but pausing, deciding she didn't want to hurt him further. The other girls – including Penny – were gasping in shock, and the unbreakable circle had broken apart. The girls were now standing behind a crouching Ashley, at loss of words.<br>"Look what you've done!" Penny screamed, "You hurt him! You hurt Alec Lightwood!"  
>The food court had gone dead silent. The only sound was Alec groaning as he clutched his parts. A sea of whispering broke out amongst the people in court. Alec could have sworn they were all muttering his name. But no time for that now; now was his chance. His only chance. Rolling over onto someone's previously discarded sushi, he ignored the stabbing pain in his crotch and sneakily gazed around him, making sure no one was watching him. (Though if his eyes weren't hazed over by pain he would have noticed all eyes were on him) And then, with the skills of a fully-trained Shadowhunter, he leapt to his feet and sprinted away as fast as his legs would take him. At first, he thought that nobody had noticed his absence. Yet, having the terrible luck he had, after a few moments of running, he heard an outburst of shouting, and then hundreds of running feet. Oh no.<br>"Alec Lightwood!"  
>"Wait, Mr Lightwood, come back!"<br>"Alec, we love you! Don't leave us!"  
>His must have left his stomach back on the floor in the food court. His insides felt empty. He was going to be killed by this raging mob. He was going to die.<br>As he fled past the people around him, they stared at him for a second, some just looking away again, some looking nonplussed, and some joining the growing mob behind him. Glancing back, he saw that there were possibly hundreds of people running after him. And they were catching up.  
>Once again digging into his pocket and reaching for his phone, he called Magnus, but instead of hearing his boyfriend's voice through the speaker, he heard Magnus calling for him from a few metres away. He looked dishevelled and frantic, and Alec suddenly realised that Magnus was being chased by the mob too.<br>"They're insane!" Magnus exclaimed, somehow managing to look graceful while he ran for his life.  
>Alec nodded, and then pointed at a toilet sign. They ran into the men's toilets, squeezed into a cubicle, and both collapsed onto the floor, gasping for air.<br>"That girl with the jacket." Magnus sounded foreboding, and not nearly as fond of her as before. "She tried to attack me. What is wrong with these people?"  
>"I could ask you the same question," Alec replied, out of breath. "You think it has anything to do with Fanfiction?"<br>Magnus stopped breathing suddenly, a look of realisation dawning on his perfectly-chiselled face.  
>"Why would it be called Fanfiction if there's no 'fans' to go with it? Who do you think the people writing and reading those stories are? They're fans of us." He sounded dreamy, and Alec made a face of disgust.<br>"They nearly suffocated me. Some teenage girls, they were off their heads."  
>"They must love you so much," said Magnus lovingly, "we're famous, and we didn't even know it."<br>"But what are we famous for?" Alec asked. "It must be a pretty recent thing, or we would have been attacked shopping before."  
>"Who cares?" Magnus said, waving a hand, "they are crazy about us! But… what's not to love?"<br>Alec abruptly heard shouting outside of the toilets, and sunk lower onto the floor, hoping they wouldn't discover his and Magnus' hiding place.  
>"Hey, I think they went in here!" said a man,<br>"I can't go in there!" a girl exclaimed,  
>"I don't care, I am," said another.<br>Magnus and Alec started, jumping to their feet. Magnus flitted out of the cubicle and hastily locked the door leading into the toilets, slamming his full weight against it. Dull thuds resounded throughout the room; evidently the crazed fans were trying to get in.  
>"There has to be another way out of here," Alec muttered, before noticing the air vent above him. It looked as though he might just be able to squeeze through before the mob broke in.<br>Jumping upwards with the grace of a Shadowhunter, Alec grasped at the air vent grate, and clung on tight. He hung there for a few seconds before it gave way and collapsed on top of him. Groaning and pushing the vent off him, he wiped off the dust which now covered his clothes and body. One of his ribs felt broken, but that would just have to wait. His usually dark hair was now a dusty grey, and as he glanced over at his boyfriend, he noted that Magnus would have rushed over if it hadn't been for the pulsing door he was pushing back. Magnus' eyes were laced with concern, but it appeared he was too out of breath to talk. Instead he nodded, indicating Alec should come over and take over the job of holding the door.  
>Alec grimaced in pain but ignoring the stabbing pain in his chest he jogged across the short distance of the bathroom and pressed his back to the cool bathroom door signalling that Magnus should go do his thing. The warlock approached the fallen grate nibbling on his perfectly glossed lip in concentration. Then his face lit up with an idea and slight excitement,<br>"I have always wanted to this, darling!" he called over Alec, who was moaning in pain. Chuckling, Magnus pulled out a grappling hook. Alec looked up and gave his boyfriend a very confused look, but Magnus didn't see it; he was too busy lining up his shot in excitement.  
>"The door almost caving in!" said one excited fan,<br>"Push harder!" screamed another.  
>"Magnus!" Alec yelled. At that moment a whooshing sound filled the room, hitting the top of the vent with a thud. Laughing slightly hysterically Magnus crooked a finger at his blue eyed boyfriend.<br>"Magnus, are you sure this is going to work?"  
>"Yes, Muffin! Don't you watch TV?"<br>"Mag – "  
>"On the count of three, throw all your weight onto the door!" A fan boy yelled.<br>Deciding it was time to make a move, Alec took a deep breath and half-fell, half-walked over to Magnus's outstretched hand. It was as if it was all in slow motion as the two men were hoisted into the air and through the magically enlarged vent, just as the mentally unstable fans broke through and began to search for them.  
>Magnus and Alec crawled through the confined space of the vent frantically. Finally, and not without getting lost several times, they saw light again.<br>"Come on sugar, jump!" Magnus yelled. He shoved Alec's behind, causing the injured Shadowhunter to fall out the previously kicked-out window, unceremoniously, and onto a flowerbed below. Gracefully, Magnus followed.  
>"That was wild! I mean, I know I'm gorgeous, but – wow!" exclaimed Magnus, climbing out and helping a broken Alec to his feet.<br>"What the hell was that?" Alec muttered to himself, pushing his slightly too long dusty-black hair out of his eyes.  
>"That, my darling, was amazing."<br>Alec frowned at his lover in front of him. How Magnus could not see that that whole incident had been completely and disastrously ridiculous was beyond him. First Fanfictions, now actual fans! Something was very wrong with the world, but Magnus didn't see it; his ego was too big.  
>Alec sighed, and softly kissed his amazing boyfriend, pressing their foreheads together,<br>"Can we go home?" he whispered.  
>Magnus kissed his boyfriend's forehead and took his hand, leading them towards their car.<br>They didn't make it far before they heard the sound of hundreds of pounding footsteps and loud screams, before the terrifying sound ceased instantaneously. Alec prepared himself for death – while Magnus felt the sudden urge to powder his nose. Turning slowly, the boys came face-to-face with their fate. Somewhere from within the mass of heads, Alec heard Penny scream.  
>"Oh. Em. Gee!" she whispered breathlessly, "they're holding hands! How fucking adorable!" she squealed, followed by a simultaneous scream from the rest of the fans.<br>Thinking fast, Magnus and Alec bolted as fast as they could, their hands falling apart in the commotion.  
>Magnus was ahead, until he tripped on his own foot and fell to the ground with an 'oof', followed by a low groan.<br>Stopping and turning, Alec looked at with panic in his eyes, as the crowd came ever closer to where Magnus lay.  
>"Go on without me, my love!" Magnus yelled dramatically, before laughing and dragging himself off the ground and taking off running again,<br>"Yet another thing I have always wanted to do!" he yelled over his shoulder at his flabbergasted boyfriend.  
>Alec shook his head in amazement, before sprinting after his boyfriend.<br>As they neared Magnus's car, their heart beats sped up and relief spread through their bodies; they were going to make it out alive.  
>"Come on people, speed up! I think that's one of their cars!"<br>"Come on, don't let them get away!"  
>"Alec!"<br>"Magnus!"  
>The massive crowd of fans yelled as the boys neared the car. Magnus reached into his pocket, pulling out his keys and fumbling with them, trying to get the car door open. But Ashley jumped on to his leg and pulled, causing Magnus to stumble, while one of her minions grabbed the keys and threw them into the crowd. Alec panicked and backed up against the car, very much afraid for his life. His boyfriend was nowhere to be found, and Alec found himself reaching into his pocket to grab his seraph blade. He was desperate enough to use the shadow hunters fighting tool to get away from these lunatics, but before it became necessary to do such a thing, a glint of light blinded him. Turning towards the source of light, Alec saw the keys laying about 15 ft away from him.<br>Pushing away from the car, ignoring the continuous stab of pain from his sore ribs, he sprinted towards the keys and dodged the fans that came too close. Then, skidding slightly on the hot asphalt of the parking lot, he bent down and grabbed the glinting keys that would be his only escape. The only problem now was that Magnus had gone missing in the sea of crazed fans. Spinning around, he saw Magnus's black boot sticking out from underneath a particularly thick part of the mob. He grabbed it and yanked, despite roars of '_no, he's mine!_', and pulled his tussled boyfriend away.  
>Picking Magnus up and slinging him over his shoulder – fireman-style, he jogged his way to the car and roughly unlocked it, before opening the door and shoving the warlock into the passenger seat. He jumped in behind the wheel and floored it.<br>They sped away from the now pissed-off crowd, swerving dangerously at the corners, earning curses and the finger from quite a few people. But finally, they were back on to the road away from the terrifying mall. Glancing worriedly over at his boyfriend, Alec expected to see the poor warlock battered and bruised, murmuring about humans in resentment, but instead he saw the slightly askew man grinning ear to ear,  
>"Darling, that was amazing!" he cried.<br>"You have got to be kidding me."  
>"No, no sweetems. That was quite the ordeal, and I can understand your dislike in such things, but you have never really appreciated a big group of people bowing down to your awesomeness."<br>"Magnus, they tried to kill us!"  
>"You're just… <em>confused<em>,snuggle monkey; they loved us!"  
>Alec didn't know whether he was more annoyed that he had just been called snuggle monkey, compared to having Magnus think that the fans had<em> loved<em> them. Apparently his boyfriend really didn't see the problem with hundreds of people chasing them around the mall.  
>Alec knew they were safe for now. But one thing was for sure; something else would hit them again soon. He just wished he knew what the hell was going on.<p>

_**Please R&R but be nice constructive criticism only ;)**_


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